By Leigh Rzepecki, LCSW and Taylor Gostele, LCPC, CEDS
Okay, here it is – the topic that no one wants to talk about or admit to having a problem with – phone and texting patterns of behavior. As mental health professionals we are often asked about this area, especially when it comes to adolescents and preteens. Questions like “what is the right age to start usage? What is a healthy amount of time? What are appropriate boundaries, limits, and expectations? What about social media usage? While we don’t have all the answers and this is truly up to each parent/caregiver there are some things to keep in mind.
For answers to the above questions see our resources listed below. There even is a handy survey to help navigate you to a decision on when an adolescent is or is not ready for a phone.
Why are we using the word hygiene?
The word hygiene is often used in mental health jargon to help outline and describe best practices and habits. There are different areas of hygiene practices such as cleansing (body, clothes, home etc.), sleep, eating and now electronic usage. Routines, best practices and healthy habits do exist for all these areas of our lives and for good reason.
What would your therapist say about phone hygiene?
Glad you asked! Here are 5 things to keep in mind when considering your own phone and texting hygiene best practices.
- Limiting Availability
I like to think of the old saying if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it when it comes to some of the best practices of phone usage. Remember the days of not getting a call or message if you weren’t available to receive it? Most of the time the world did not end if we did not get that phone call or message the moment the sender sent it out. Let’s keep practicing that! There are appropriate times to check messages. Designate time in your day to check your messages so you’re not constantly available. This will help with anxiety management and perhaps help you avoid conflicts as well. Once we set the precedent that we will respond whenever in our day, it can lead to relationship struggles and impact your mental health. Don’t be afraid to use ‘do not disturb’ settings or block notifications from overloading your phone and ultimately, your ability to be present.
- Curbing when you send messages and make calls
Sending someone a text message or calling them while you know they are at work or school is something we want to try and delay. Can that text or call wait until that person is home from work or school? Am I sending this text during normal hours? Can this wait?
So often we impulsively send a message or make a phone call without considering the other person’s circumstances. We need to remember that information received can be emotionally triggering and throw someone off their focus. If this is a friend or a loved one, we want them to be focused and on their game at school, work, wherever they are! Usually the information can wait. If you think you’re going to forget what you wanted to tell them, write it down and then schedule a time to discuss with them what you had on your mind.
- Content of text messages
Okay, here is the tough one for most. Keeping texting to a minimum is super difficult these days. It seems easier at some points to text rather than picking up the phone, but here is the deal – people interpret things differently which can lead to unnecessary conflicts. Typically, conversations that involve your partner or loved one are best done on the phone or in person. We are protected by the screen with text messages, meaning that it is easier to say something without looking the person in the face. If you want to preserve the relationship and it is valuable to you, then texting is probably not the way to go.
Furthermore, sending follow up text messages if someone has not responded can also be daunting. Again, if this is an emergency and the person has not responded, calling is best.
- Shutting it down at night
There is a growing amount of research on the impact of screen time and sleep disturbances and active time. For adults as well, once we have less sleep a myriad of health and wellness issues can ensue. Sleep disturbances can contribute to increased chances of anxiety and depression, which also can be a domino effect contributing to social and emotional challenges.
Keeping the phone out of the bedroom, across the room, and on do not disturb are solutions to help avoid sleep disturbances produced by technology. Let’s make sure to be giving ourselves just as much opportunity to recharge as we are giving to our phones!
- Mindfulness
We use this word a lot in our offices at Intuitive Counseling because it encompasses so much of what aids in improved well being. Being thoughtful, intune, and aware of your own personal emotions, thoughts, and behaviors and how you are relating to the world around you and in connection to you cannot be underscored enough as the best tool for managing your phone and texting hygiene. Considering the other person you are reaching out to, considering yourself, and possible consequences of your action or inaction is key to avoiding any pitfalls. If you are unsure, check in with a trusted friend or family member or, of course, your therapist. Being mindful of your time, your energy, and where you want to expend can help reinforce boundaries you want to implement with your device.
Resources
American Academy of Pediatrics – Screen Time Guidelines
Healthy Texting Habits in Relationships
American Psychological Association – Advisory on Adolescent Social Media Use
Your Child’s First Phone. Are They Ready? Are you Ready?
Feeling like you’d like to explore this more?
Contact Leigh Rzepecki, LCSW, CADC.